Let’s just start with a general consensus that there are aspects of parenting that are amazing. I love watching my child learn new skills. The look on her face when she is captivated by something is a look I could bottle up and take with me forever. Her laugh is the most pure, joyous sound I will ever hear and when she smiles at me my heart melts into a puddle of motherly love. Others see this happiness on my face, whether in person or on social media.

But what isn’t seen are the tears when my child is fussy and I am at a loss, or the fact that I have to hold her in order for her to have a quality nap and to go to sleep at night. I haven’t slept next to my husband since the birth of our baby. Although that may not seem at the top of importance for some, I miss that. The moments of emotional exhaustion as I sit in my bed covered in spit-up, sweat, leaked breastmilk, and whatever else have been hidden from the world because “it’s normal”, “this will pass”, “just get through it”. Our frustration and emotional pain as parents becomes invalidated and diminished, because “we signed up for this”. “This is what we wanted.”

Can we please begin to normalize the fact that just because we love being parents does not mean we have to live in this perfect bubble? That doesn’t exist. I can love my baby and be the best mother I can be, while I’m frustrated and still figuring it all out. As I type this, my baby is staring at me, babbling and playing with her feet. I recognize my tiredness– the dark circles under my eyes, the fact that I haven’t worn makeup in half a year, the “how many days have I worn these sweatpants” types of thoughts in my head. Then I also recognize the bliss that I feel when I see that perfect smile on her face and hear those babbles. This is parenthood.

This is not an impossible journey. This is not a perfect journey. This is raw and not easy, but it is beautiful. We are allowed to acknowledge the difficulty and the beauty simultaneously.